I do not consider myself an “art” person, but like a lot of artistic types I have enough internal demons to let them have their own intramural basketball league.
Clearly the starting line up of the dream team is doubt, procrastination, imposter syndrome, stress and the king daddy of them all – migraine headaches. While the numbers coming from the site are NOT helping with everything else, being in the middle of a series of migraines just makes everything difficult. Unlike a lot of people’s migraines, mine don’t initially hurt. However, I can’t see straight, or speak, or think clearly or feel my fingers. And the funny part is that it’s not like these things are gone – I don’t go blind or mute – but they act unreliably. The visual thing in particular is interesting. I get a crescent shaped hole starting in the right side of my field of vision. The edge of the hole can be seen like little fireworks but inside of the hole, my brain fills in what it THINKS should be there. This is SUPER cool when I’m driving or even walking around especially when the spot grows big enough to take over the center part of my field of view, like it has lately . Imagine walking down a street with a window of a rosy, no cars, no other people, no bikes day covering half your face. The cars, even a parked car, would disappear if it fell into the hole.
Needless to say, I’m not doing a ton of writing like this. Or reading. Things are confusing during one of these things. The real fun begins if I have to talk because glossolalia is frustrating. Your mouth just utterly betrays you and often clearly says words you didn’t intend to say. Total nonsense like “Car park banana spezum norm aptimus!” There are real words mixed in, but it’s a jumble. And this is where I come from when I say I have a head full of bees.
But the bit about being chased by robots, that’s there too. I can see the page views from the site broken down by approximate country of origin. These are CRAZY. I’m apparently HOT in Poland. And Nepal. See the previous post about bullshit traffic. As someone who just recently graduated with a masters degree in cybersecurity, I’m truly interested in what these people are doing. It’s just nuts.
So, anyway, I do not believe that anyone will read this. Truly. In a way, I’m ranting at the same anonymous robot that is the internet that I’m scolding for reading me. How’s that for crazy? Not powerful enough for the basketball team, but it’s up there.
And on the subject of crazy, I’m in no big hurry to post more bits of The Strange. NO ONE IS READING SO WHY BOTHER? I’m still writing and even still writing on The Strange, but I’ve more an eye towards what I’m going to be posting up next. Clearly I lost too many people in act 1 and now that things are hitting the fan in act 2, no one cares. That, I guess, is a lesson. One can only get away with that kind of thing in epic fantasy.